Dating, Sex, & Relationships

Dear Dr. Greg,

After navigating my way through a sea of potential teaching positions within China, I finally accepted a position with a PGA school for the next school year. I had initially focused my search strictly on international schools, but was unable to locate any vacancies in my certification area (special ed.). In fact, outside of Hong Kong, I could find little evidence of the hiring of Special Education Teachers in the International Schools, including the ISS managed/governed schools. It may be that they already filled those vacancies at recruitment fairs, but it seems unlikely that there would be a prodigious number of special ed teachers wanting to move to China. There is a severe shortage of special ed teachers in the U.S. as it is. In any case, it will be an interesting transition from being a public high school teacher in Baltimore to being a public high school teacher in China. My salary will fall into the latter end of what an assistant professor would make in a developing central area according to SAFEA salary guidelines.

At the moment, my main concern is how I should tell my girlfriend that I wasn't able to get a position in Beijing (where she lives). Although I managed to bridge the chasm from half-a-world away to about 472 miles, I feel as if I have let her down.

She has made it clear that she would never consider leaving Beijing, so any hope of having a long-term relationship leading to marriage is contingent upon my ability to secure an economically viable teaching position in that city. I don't know if she will continue to be amenable to having a long-distance relationship and I am filled with dread at the thought of having to tell her this. Is there a good way to do this?

Yes, special education is not a priority in China.

As I mentioned in my reply to your first post, I don't think this will be a major problem for her. There are many Chinese couples who are living and working in different provinces. They seem to accept this as a practical matter.

If I may say so, this girl should be delighted that you have decided to move halfway around the world just to be closer to her. If she bitterly objects to the fact that you couldn't find anything in Beijing at this time, that doesn't speak well of her character and should you give reason to be concerned.

I suspect you are worrying for nothing. I think you should present this to her as "great news" without any hint of apology. A distance of 472 miles is a very short plane ride.