Dating, Sex, & Relationships

Hello Dr. Greg.

I am a mocha-colored African-American man currently working in Shanghai. I have found the Chinese people to be nice to foreigners; however, after several months in China I am beginning to believe that skin color is an issue when Chinese women choose to date.

I have become aware of the emphasis Chinese women place on having pale skin and avoiding tans. I have also noticed that the vast majority of western/Chinese relationships are between older white men and young Chinese women.

Is it a social faux pas for a Chinese woman to date someone with darker skin? Typically, will only women who are feeling extreme economic pressure date non-white men?

I work in an office with many Chinese/Shanghai-nese women and it seems as though when the subject of dating/love/marriage comes up the topic of conversation changes quickly or the Chinese women make no specific comment in my presence.

I have not yet directly asked a Chinese woman out on a date. as a non-white western male, what should i be aware of?

Is skin color less of an issue if the woman are southeast Asian (Thai, Filipino, etc..)?

Regards,

AH

Back in May 2005, when I was teaching at Hainan University, I decided to spend my May Golden Week holiday by reading novels and working on a suntan at the local public beach. Owing to my southern Greek heritage, I have a great deal of melanin in my skin and, by the end of the week, had become quite dark (darker than mocha-toned perhaps), as I typically do after many days of direct exposure to the sun. I was not mentally prepared for what I encountered after returning to work on May 8th.

For starters, as soon as my boss spotted me she reacted with, “Oh My God. Okay, that’s enough… or else” (implying that if I didn’t stay out of the sun and return to my former skin tone, my contract would not be renewed that coming July). I was the brunt of “African” jokes for several days by my Chinese colleagues. Finally, a meeting that I had with the vice-governor the same week (to discuss a training program) was mysteriously cancelled shortly after the government liaison visited me after the holiday to discuss the final arrangements. Immediately upon entering my apartment, he turned beet-red and exclaimed, “Oh my God… you look like a sailor!” Two days later, I received a call from the liaison informing me that the vice-governor would unexpectedly be out of town and that they would have to reschedule the meeting when he returned. The meeting was never rescheduled.

Research Literature

I recently reviewed an edited textbook for the APA’s PsycCRITIQUES that addresses both domestic and global racism in the aftermath of Obama’s presidential election. In the chapter titled Obama and Global Change in Perceptions of Group Status, Ciccariello-Maher and Hughey write that "China has a deep history of racism, one in which race both intersects with class and has been to some degree concealed, obscured, and explicitly denied” (Parks and Hughey, 2011, p. 207). In the following paragraph they add:

Barry Sautman, for example, draws upon recent survey data to suggest that anti-Black racism in contemporary China draws upon “a recrudescence of elite values that link and denigrate those who are dark and those who are poor” (1994, p.427). Traditionally, Chinese elites idealized light skin as an indication that one was not engaged in manual, peasant labor, and this beauty ideal would intersect comfortably with racism. … This “recrudescence” would manifest most starkly in a number of attacks and anti-African riots occurring in the 1970s and 1980s led predominantly by Chinese students (ibid).

You will recall the Haikou government liaison’s remark that my deep suntan suggested that I was a manual laborer, i.e., a sailor, and, thus, I had unwittingly forfeited my opportunity to meet with the vice-governor, a man who would have apparently been seriously put off by my newly acquired dark skin tone.

The academic researchers make the point that Chinese racism is not simply an expression of abstract xenophobia or even contempt of poverty but is also strongly characterized by a "distinct valorization of Whites." They go on to explain:

Such a valorization of “hegemonic whiteness” manifests in diverse registers and often transcends overt political orientation and national context (Hughey, 2010, 2009a, 2009b). This valorization of whiteness extends to beauty standards and exceeds even that of fellow Asians, such that it cannot be explained by either traditional conceptions (in which Yellow and White are both valued equally) or economic concerns (in which Americans are equated with wealth) (Richberg, 2009, pp. 424-433). (Here, it is worth recalling that skin-whitening creams, not to mention eye surgery, constitutes (sic) a $100-million-a-year industry in China.) (ibid, p 208).

The authors further underscore the prevalence and deleterious effects of racism in China by relating the disturbing story of Lou Jing (娄婧), an out-of-wedlock daughter of an African-American man and a Chinese national, raised in Shanghai by her unmarried mother. In August 2009, Lou Jing attracted massive media attention by her appearance and success on the Chinese version of American Idol, “Go Oriental Angel," not so much because of her talent but, unfortunately, skin color. The country’s reaction to her as a biracial citizen was very disturbing and revealing.

Some Chinese netizens labeled Lou Jing a disgrace to the Chinese nation and argued that her skin color prevents her being a “real” or “true” Chinese. Such denunciations of Lou Jing increased rapidly, to the degree that acclaimed writer Hung Huang came to Lou’s defense and posted on her blog, “In the same year that Americans welcome Obama to the White House, we can’t even accept this girl with a different skin color. (ibid, p. 209). (Editor’s note: For further discussion of the controversy surrounding Lou Jing, see the Wikipedia article on Lou Jing)

Discussion

Obviously, skin color is very important in China and, thus, to Chinese women in general. This does not mean that all Chinese women will necessarily shun a Western man because of his skin color but it is fair and accurate to conclude that most will. Other than simply waiting for some woman to express interest in you, I can't offer a solution. I have a strong hunch that you would have had much better luck in just about any Chinese city other than Shanghai, a city that is anecdotally infamous for its gold-digging and status-seeking women (more so than usual for China).

As for other southeastern Asian countries, the preference for light skin is also prevalent, although, perhaps, not as strongly as it is in China. According to my resident expert on all things Pinoy (i.e., my Filipino wife), apparently, in the Philippines, many Filipinas are influenced by what is referred to in the literature as “American Exceptionalism” (ibid, p. 209), in which an African-American man would be preferred over a Filipino (by virtue of his American citizenship) but would be less socially desirable than a “Fil-Am” (a biracial child of, typically, a White American father and Filipino mother). Although I am unable to locate empirical research that supports this perception, I strongly suspect that it is correct.

I am also guessing that American Exceptionalism, in regard to African-American men, also exists in China but primarily among women of lower socioeconomic status (SES), i.e., poor, relatively uneducated women whose parents are farmers, transient workers, or low-level (poorly-paid) government employees and who are also uncompetitive for the most desirable Chinese men.

Aside from the issue of race in China, we also have--in a culturally-unique manner I believe--the effects of "Educational Exceptionalism": possession of an advanced degree, to the extent the girl perceives the man as having strong earning potential, will mitigate the effects of both race and significant age differentials.

In regard to your observation about Chinese women coupling with older Western men, this could really be the topic of an entirely new post. Simply stated, the age discrepancy between White Western men and Chinese women (in China) is directly and positively associated with the difference in their SES as well as the perceived social desirability and competitiveness of the women. Young and attractive Chinese girls, who are extremely competitive for the best Chinese men, tend to eschew Western men (of any age).

I wish I had better news for you. Best of luck with this during your stay in China.

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Notes

Ciaacariello-Maher, G. and Hughey, M. (2011). Obama and Global Change in Perceptions of Group Status. In Parks, G. and Hughey, M. (Eds.), The Obamas And A (Post) Racial America? (pp. 193-214). New York: Oxford University Press.