Dating, Sex, & Relationships

How wealthy does one have to be to attract a Filipina wife? I have an above average teaching job, but many/most Chinese women still view my salary as inadequate, and have told me so. I am a stereotypical middle-aged divorced western male; I used to have more money!

Without exception, every Chinese woman I have known has wanted to get married to increase her net worth. There is not much talk of love or spiritual matters, but of buying real estate.

The last one said she loved me, but I had to buy her a house before she would marry me! Generally, there is not a lot of romance with the Chinese I have known; they seem to view it as more of a business arrangement, and that is simply not my cup of tea.

Thought I would try a trip to the Philippines before I resign myself to becoming the perpetual bachelor. However, I do not know if I will get the same reaction there. Got any good news?

Turns out that I have great news for you.

I posed your question to my resident expert on Filipino women (smile) and she believes that most Filipinas marry for love and not money. What they're most interested in, according to Sonia, is a husband who is not going to cheat on them, one who will be a good family man.

Women who do not consider themselves to be very pretty, she added, will make better wives as they will consciously attempt to compensate the husband for that deficit in other ways, e.g., attending to the home and his needs more intensely.

Keep in mind that the Philippines is a very Catholic country (state religion) and marrying for money or making all sorts of financial demands as a prerequisite for marriage is not going to be part of their mind-set, generally speaking.

If you are not looking for a beauty queen, you won't have any trouble finding thousands of girls in the Philippines who are just looking for love and a man who will stay devoted to them over time. Your comfortable salary now is more than enough to qualify you as a suitable spouse.

Hi Atlantean,

Are you in the west and meet these Chinese women on line or are you in China and meeting Chinese women in China?

I believe that Chinese women on the dating sites looking for western men are motivated by the desire to leave China. They are not sought after by Chinese men as they are usually around 40 and may have a child. I think that the reason they are online is business i. e. money for themselves and their family, not love. They are prepared to sacrifice what they want for their child and their family IMO.

They don't see romance as the western women see it. They usually are fairly poor in money and opportunities. They are prepared to make a huge move of marrying someone from outside their group and leave their country. I don't think they have the material security to meet their emotional needs. They are still tying to meet their basic survival needs (Maslow). They must eat first and love later. Also Chinese people have told me that the Chinese have become more money-oriented since Deng said those famous words. A Chinese man who works in Melbourne as a stockbroker told me that there is a saying in China that if you have enough money even the ghosts will work for you.

Interesting topic you bring up. Maybe Dr Greg will make a comment on the attitude of Chinese women in marriage, love, or money?

Dr Greg

I have heard that Filipino women now have made an industry out of marrying western men.

While it is true that middle-aged Chinese women with children will be far more mercenary in their approach to marriage than their younger, single counterparts, I do think marriage is far more of a practical matter in China than it is in the West or even the Philippines.

A recent survey conducted by the China Youth Daily revealed that almost 52 percent of more than 10,000 female respondents considered apartment ownership to be a prerequisite to marriage (Qiu, 2007). Every now and then I'll poll my classes on this very issue and I get the same results: around half of the female students endorse the idea that a man should have an apartment before marriage. Most of my students are overseas Chinese and their families are quite affluent by mainland China standards, suggesting that this mind-set is not explained by economics alone.

Regarding Filipino women, I do know that marriage to a Westerner, especially an American, is considered the pinnacle of marrying well: It appears to be the dream of most Filipinas. Part of this desirability is economically-based, for sure, but it goes deeper than that I think. Anything that comes from America, including men, is perceived as "better." The highest paid actors and television show hosts in the Philippines are biracial: typically the bilingual offspring of American fathers and Pinoy mothers.

Notes

Qiu, Lin (2007, September 9). No Marriage Without Money. BoloJi.com. Retrieved February 12, 2009 from http://www.boloji.com/wfs5/wfs1000.htm

I am happy to hear this. I am Catholic and American, so maybe there is hope after all. My remaining primary challenge may be to make the correct selection.

In my past, I have often done my thinking with the wrong body part, and have had disastrous results. I can see better than I can think when it comes to women.

I am going to try again however, and I pray that I have learned something from my failures!

Maybe I have found a potential wife; I guess I will know after I go to visit her in Manila.

If things work out, how do I get her into China? My Z-visa isn't up for renewal until March 2011. Can my employer get her into the country before then? Any updates on the Filipino visa situation?

Congratulations on the great news. That didn't take very long. I truly hope this works out for you.

The relationship between the Chinese and Filipino governments is quite strained right now. Apparently, the Philippine government recently captured a Chinese vessel in Philippine waters, confiscated the boat, and arrested all passengers. China isn't happy about it and, par for the course, is being quite vindictive towards all Filipinos in China as a matter of policy.

If the girl has never been to mainland China before, she should be able to get a 30-day tourist visa without too much difficulty. Once in China, you can renew that L-visa twice for a total stay of three months. After that, your options for keeping her in China become quite limited.

One possibility would be to enroll her in a licensed Chinese language program for one year so that she can qualify for a student X-visa. The officials will scrutinize her application very carefully: You will have to prove that she has paid full tuition in advance and that she has the means to support herself while in China. You can list yourself as her financial sponsor but that will throw up a red flag that the real intent is for her to remain in China with you. Once they learn that she arrived in China on a tourist visa with you, they may deny the X-visa application just to spite her. The only other option is to marry her prior to the end of the third month (or at some later time in order to return her to China).

You could marry her in the Philippines but you will have to apply in person and remain there during the entire wait period. You will have to plan on spending at least three weeks in Manila.

The easiest way to tie the knot with another foreigner in China is to travel to Hong Kong. There are no residency requirements, you do not have to be physically present in Hong Kong during the 15-day wait period, and the application and fees can be sent via DHL. You can arrange everything by e-mail and postal service and then just show up one day before the scheduled wedding day. For more information, see the Guide's chapter on Getting Married in China.

Thanks Dr. Greg for the info. Digesting all this will take some time, but the Hong Kong route does seem simplest.

Once married, can a wife come with her husband following the ceremony on an existing work visa into the mainland? Or must she return to the Philippines? Once married, how do I get her into China on my work visa? It's not up for renewal till March, 2011.

Hope you don't mind answering more questions.

The trick is to make certain that your fiancée receives a double- or multiple-entry tourist visa.

If you two are married during the validity of her tourist visa, she would simply reenter China on the basis of her L-visa and then you would bring the marriage certificate to the PSB so that her visa can be changed to a marital residency permit.

If you marry her after the renewals on her tourist visa have been exhausted, she would then have to fly to Hong Kong from the Philippines. Filipino citizens receive a 14-day entry visa upon arrival in Hong Kong (American citizens receive a 90-day entry visa).

I believe you could then take the marriage certificate to the Chinese consulate on Hong Kong Island and apply for a marital residency permit so that she can return to mainland China with you. You should contact the Chinese consulate in Hong Kong before going this route just to confirm the time-frame.