Dating, Sex, & Relationships

I have been living with my Chinese girlfriend for 2 years, and in this time have fallen deeply in love with her. I have let her know that I want her to be my life partner and that we can be married with all the commitment that entails.

My problem is that she has never introduced me to her friends or family, and seems to be unable to. I recently discovered that she has cheated on me by seeing a Chinese guy from her home town, and it is likely that this guy is the one her family will accept as her future suitable husband.

She doesn't love this guy and hasn't slept with him yet, but she sees him as a means to satisfying the family requirement. He is in the army, and so she won't need to see him for many months at a time. She therefore thinks that she will be able to bear the marriage while having the freedom to live a life of her own.

We are still together at the moment, and she is still affectionate and loving to me. I am therefore completely confused, since I can see that she doesn't want to go, but has to break up due to the pressure to marry from the family.

Why can't she just introduce me as her choice and let that play out?

I am a good guy with a good heart who loves her and has the means to look after her very well.

I would appreciate any advice or feedback you could provide.

Fred wrote:Why can't she just introduce me as her choice and let that play out?

From everything you've written, it appears that she won't marry anyone her family doesn't approve of and that she is fairly certain that they won't approve of a foreigner. In our ongoing study of dating and marital preferences conducted primarily with college students in Guangzhou, this need for parental approval is endorsed by almost 60% of our sample. So your girlfriend is not in the minority and I'm assuming, like the majority of the subjects in my study's sample, she is also relatively young.

The longer you let this go unresolved, the harder it will be for you. Your only option here is to either give her an ultimatum ("choose me and let your family know") and end it if she doesn't meet your terms, or plan on being the "other man" when her future husband is on active duty.

You allowed yourself to become far too emotionally involved with someone who, essentially, was and is unavailable.