Dating, Sex, & Relationships

Hi Dr. Greg,

I remember being jealous of all the jocks in high school and college because all the girls fawned over them, and I often wished I was popular also. Now I have learned it is not so easy. I find myself with two terrific Chinese women who both have serious intentions. I didn't plan this, it just happened that way.

I must admit that I have not encountered this situation before, even though I am over 50. I never learned the skill of dating. I have seen people date multiple people at once, but I have no idea how they do it without massive guilt complexes. I don't like it.

I am dreading having to choose between one of these girls and hurting them. In the distant past if I was tired of a woman, I would simply act like a jerk until she dumped me. Rejection I can handle. God knows I have had enough practice with that.

If I was an insensitive cad like most of the jocks in school, this wouldn't bother me I suppose. I am starting to wonder if I have crossed the line from sensitivity into codependency. Have you ever heard of a remedial dating course for old codgers? What is the mature, kind way to deal with this, if there is one?

The problem with multiple concurrent casual dating, as you point out, is that it doesn't take very long for one of the relationships to move from casual to serious, especially in regard to Chinese women.

Aside from being concerned about hurt feelings, I'd also be very concerned about anger and revenge as well. I've heard of Chinese girls literally demolishing an entire apartment after being told they were being dumped for another woman.

The best way to end a relationship with a Chinese woman is in a public place. If you had given the one you are going to break up with a copy of your apartment key, make certain you retrieve it first.

As for how to put it, without knowing anything about the woman and her sensibilities, think of what would make you feel less dejected under the same set of circumstances and let that guide your words.