Dating, Sex, & Relationships

One of the reasons I want to come to China is to improve my social life. My current "girlfriend" has four legs and a tail, that's the penalty for living in North America. Numerous posts on this forum have indicated serious problems in maintaining Anglo/Chinese relationships. Dr.Greg, it's obvious where you stand on this issue. I just wanted to know if its easy to meet Filipino women in China and where should I be looking.

For starters, I'd like to state that there are many very happily married cross-cultural couples comprising Western men and Chinese women. Nothing I have written should be interpreted to mean otherwise.

Speaking entirely for myself on a very personal level, because I do not speak Chinese very well, I was one of those Western men who was limited to only dating Chinese women who can speak English well enough with which to maintain a relationship. When you consider that the functional English literacy rate in China is estimated to be around .77 percent (or 1 out of 130 people), that narrows the field down considerably. Compare that to a functional English literacy rate of 47 percent among Filipinos and you can easily see that, all other things equal, communicating with a Filipina is going to be a lot easier than it is with most Chinese girls and your "pool of eligible candidates" is going to be considerably greater.

Aside from English language skills, the Philippines is something of an anomaly in regard to other Asian countries when you consider such fundamental issues as religion and culture. Catholicism is the country's official religion and the culture (food, music, etc.) is something of a very interesting fusion of both Asian and North American influences. It's remarkable to me that my wife can identify and emotionally relate to virtually every "oldie" I play on the computer (she even knows the words better than I do in many cases). By way of another example, Christmas for her is not just a discount shopping day represented by some fat guy with a ruddy complexion and bulbous nose dressed in a red suit. She can relate to the holiday on a deep, emotional, and historical level. There is a lot to be said for that (commonality in culture, religion, food preferences, music, etc.) in the context of marriage.

Filipinos in China are extremely well networked, so if you can somehow manage to meet just one, you will have access to many. With this in mind, it appears that most bands playing in 5-star hotels and restaurants are comprised of Filipinos. Even if the girls in the band are already attached, they will most definitely know of other local Filipinas who are in the market for a good boyfriend.

Last, but perhaps not least, is the Internet. My wife highly recommends the dating website FilipinaHeart.com. She personally knows of several friends who have met their current foreign husbands through that service. The problem with that website (as well as any Internet dating service), however, is that there are as many scam artists on it as there are legitimate girls looking for husbands. If a girl asks you to send her money for any reason, then that's a surefire sign that she is not serious. Another website Sonia recommends is Cherry Blossoms (blossoms.com) but she seems to feel a lot more strongly about the first one.

After you move to China, start inquiring about hotels and restaurants in your area that feature live bands as there is a very good chance that the band members will be Filipinos and you can start from there.

Good luck with this. If you do decide to go the Internet route, my wife has already volunteered to help you sort through the real girls from the con artists. Smile.

Hey thanks for the idea of meeting Filipino people in hotels, I'm not overly interested in dating one but my best friends growing up was Filipino and I've always had a couple of good friends that were Filipino so it would be great to have such warm and friendly friends in China.

Thanks for all your advice Dr. Greg, its always good to get a "pro's" insight.

Something that I noticed in the profiles of a lot of Filipina women posted on the internet was their request for a man that was "God fearing". I've never seen a woman from my country request this in a potential partner. This belief in a higher power may be a sign that she's a keeper, the religion of a lot people is simply cold, hard, cash! There's lots of women that look like marriage material in the Philippines section of the date in Asia site you can click on the link below.

http://www.dateinasia.com/Search.aspx?g ... PH&p=1&o=0

I would advise men looking for a Filipina in their life to go to the Philippines. Allow someone to introduce you to a nice woman who is looking for a man. The various websites mentioned here are absolutely full of scammers, some more dangerous than others. The Philippines can be quite an exhilarating experience for a western man. You will be a hot commodity the second you get off the plane. You will also be a target for unscrupulous people.

There are scams within scams within scams in the Philippines, some involving whole families. You could very easily find yourself in deep trouble and out of money if you go there with some idealistic viewpoint. I am involved with a Filipina but it took some time and a lot of trouble to meet her. I was scammed and threatened more than once while there. These things can and will happen to you unless you exercise extreme caution.

If you go there and think like a mark, they will find you and it will go badly for you. Some girls there are part of criminal gangs and in some cases in the rural areas, the local authorities may even be involved in setting you up for blackmail, etc. So, be careful and don't assume every Filipina you meet is going to be wonderful to you because of religion, racial stereotyping, etc... they are individuals and fully aware of the benefits the western women have because of feminist favoring laws.

Good luck and be careful.

The reason why most Filipinas like God-fearing men is because it's one of the things that our parents or grandparents instilled in us on what to look for in a person, not just in boyfriends or husbands but in general. We grew up in a society made up mostly of Catholics, that being the main religion. Being God-fearing is very important to us, yes, including me, a Filipina. Personally, the reason why I want a person who is God-fearing is 1) I am a God fearing person 2) it sort of gives me an idea of what a person values most and how a person will make decisions and choices in his or her life.

I hope you can find the right one for you, Wuxi.

I personally know four guys that either dated or married Filipinas and three of them were successful, not a bad percentage. I find most Filipinas to be friendly, easy going and really sacrifice for their family. I`d never date a woman from my own country again, which incidently has one of the lowest birth rates in the world. The Philippines has one of the highest church attendance rates in the world which is why the women turn out so good.

It's not just the shared religious values, per se, that are important, but also the effect that their socially ingrained Judeo-Christian beliefs have on personality and social development that make all the difference as I see it. That is, even if a Filipina were not "ultra-religious," she would still possess certain beliefs, characteristics, and sensibilities that are not necessarily typical of other Asian cultures.

You are right to suggest that Filipinas are extremely devoted to their families and, from our Western male perspective, are extremely self-sacrificing—although the women don't necessarily see it that way: They are just doing what they believe is right, what they were raised to do based on what they deem as most important in life.

Marrying a Filipina is like entering a time machine that takes you back to American family life in the 1950s and early sixties, a time when gender roles were very clearly defined and respected without resentment, acrimony, or a sense of being treated "less-than." Depending on the man's age, family background, and belief system, he will either cherish this arrangement (literally feel as if he has died and gone to heaven) or possibly find it burdensome, i.e., too "retrograde" or anachronistic.

Filipina core feminine identity is very tightly connected to and integrated with not just their home life but their living space: Most are immaculate housekeepers and take enormous pride in having not just a clean home but one that is warm, comfortable, and inviting—and that includes making their husbands as comfortable as humanly possible as well. In many respects, one can accurately think of Filipinas as "counter-narcissistic."

During our first year of marriage, I often found myself telling my wife "Okay, that's enough. Stop now. Take a rest, you're doing way too much," because, quite frankly, I wasn't at all comfortable with the amount of attention she would bestow on me and the home. It was not something I was used to and I feared that she would eventually develop a resentment. Finally I came to realize that she wasn't doing all of these things just to make me happy. She was doing them to make herself happy as well. Now, two years later, I just keep my mouth shut and let her do what she wants to do. I can honestly say that we both are extremely content and know that we have been blessed.

I've been told by several people that Filipino women have a fairly strong aptitude for romance and intimacy.The physical passion that Filipinas bring to a relationship may be the result of women saving themselves for marriage or high competition among women for the best men (insecurity). Or, it could be that they are not as emotionally divorced from men the way western women are due to the feminist movement. Whatever the reasons may be, I see this as a good thing. In addition, I've been told Filipinas can get can really jealous should they see you talking to any single woman they don`t know. Consider yourself warned!