Dating, Sex, & Relationships

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 3 months now. And we have not yet had sex or anything else of that nature for that matter. We are both 21, she is an English student. The problem is we both get on so well despite the cultural differences, we have so much in common and can discuss anything like politics, religion, etc., so I like the fact that she is quite intelligent. She also really takes very good care of me, she will cook for me, and literally do anything for me; even care for me when I'm ill.

Now my problem is that I am worried about the fact she is so naive about everything related to sex and the human body. A list of examples: she has no idea what a penis looks like, she had no idea that a man was supposed to put his penis inside her--this thought actually scares her to the extent that she is not interested in having any intercourse whatsoever, even after she is married.

I have tried to be tact when trying to explain about this stuff, and she was interested a little to begin with. But now she thinks it's disgusting and just cannot get her head around it. She is also surprised that I know what a period is (as she was having period pains the other week) and thinks it's really perverted that schools in England teach this kind of stuff.

Don't get me wrong I like her a lot, if it was all about the sex I would have ditched her by now. Personally I am sure most people agree that relationships cannot last if there is no love making. I feel like she is pushing me away for some reason but she has told me this is not true in the slightest. But I am wondering if anybody else has experienced this kind of stuff with their girlfriend, and also how this problem can be resolved.

It is simply impossible in the year 2010 for a 21-year old young woman—anywhere in the world—not to have even a rudimentary understanding of what sexual intercourse is. Between biology class (taught in senior middle school to all Chinese students), the media, and Western movies, it is just inconceivable that a young college woman can have absolutely zero carnal knowledge.

Assuming she is being truthful with you, meaning she is not consciously lying out of a sense of embarrassment (which is unlikely given that she is expressing a disinterest in having sex even after marriage), this girl appears to have some very serious psychological conflicts surrounding sex (and that would hold true, in a different way, even if she were denying knowledge out of a sense of embarrassment).

It’s highly unlikely that she is this naïve in regard to sex: She is highly defended and appears to be using an unhealthy combination of denial and asceticism. Although you didn’t specifically mention it, I am guessing she also secretly suffers from an eating disorder. This is young woman who is desperately trying to remain a girl.

This situation is not going to improve with tactful sex education. She requires psychotherapy. You have every right to be concerned about this.