Foreign Teachers Guide to Living and Teaching English in China

22. The Nature of Friendships in China

Social relationships in China are, more often than not, based on mutual need (in what amounts to log-rolling), than on sincere and simple friendships. In a country that is still very much ruled and influenced by feudal thinking, you absolutely need friends in high places if you are to get anything accomplished. Mainland China is not so much a land of laws as it is a highly-complex network of interpersonal relationships, i.e., knowing the right person who knows the right person and so on. Virtually anything can be accomplished with the right and proper amount of guanxi (the Chinese word that translates to "relationship" but with a far greater and richer meaning, with clearly prescribed social roles, positions and behaviors—see units 9 and 11 on Mianzi and Guanxi and Social Etiquette, respectively, for more details).

... the doctrine of quid pro quo does not apply in regard to foreign teachers who are seen as "just passing through."

Many foreigners delude themselves into thinking that they will be immediately incorporated into this complex system of social networking by over-extending themselves to their Chinese friends and hosts, when called upon to do some favor (usually limited to something involving the English language). Keep in mind that true guanxi is more powerful and meaningful than money in China and it's a form of currency that will never be squandered on someone who is viewed (quite accurately in most cases) as a transient worker. Most foreign teachers, particularly those who offer little or nothing more than the ability to speak English natively, no matter how long they may live in China, will always be viewed as outsiders—and, in that context, they will always exist outside the guanxi network. If you consider being treated to a banquet "in your honor" as fair and reasonable compensation for copyediting 24 pages of "Chinglish," or spending a whole day participating in a photo shoot for your school's advertising needs, then so be it.

For the most part, and there are exceptions, the doctrine of quid pro quo does not apply in regard to foreign teachers who are seen as "just passing through." You were simply an "iron" that was "struck" while the opportunity was hot, i.e., you were simply exploited. As a rule, unless you have been living and working in a community for years, and have distinguished yourself in some way other than just showing up and doing your job, forgo the dinners and compliments and ask to be paid for any services that are requested.

There does, however, appear to be a couple of clear exceptions to the above rule: foreigners viewed as permanent fixtures in a particular city, especially ones who have distinguished themselves in some way, may be eventually adopted peripherally into the guanxi network. We personally know of at least one case in which a foreign teacher, who has been in the same city for many years, was eventually taken into the guanxi network by a high ranking government official after the teacher (a retired professor of literature) helped tutor his child for a national English contest that led to the child taking home first prize. So elated, appreciative and grateful was the government official, that the foreigner was bestowed, in a manner of speaking, a type of honorary and unspoken status as an "insider." Whenever this foreign teacher has a problem, of any kind, all he needs to do is pick up his telephone and it is quickly resolved in his favor. But this type of reciprocity and "insider status" is relatively rare and only possible with those who have typically made a lifelong commitment to a particular community and have distinguished themselves in some way other than speaking English or by completing last minute copyediting jobs, and not just in China, but, previously, in their countries of origin as well.

However, truly dedicated teachers who have extended themselves to their students over a period of years at the same school will very likely accumulate genuine friends for life. It is not unusual for truly beloved teachers to receive frequent visits from their students who will bring over a variety of food and fruit and cook a meal, or remain forever available for providing help and assistance--not only while they are current students but for many years thereafter. It is, actually, one of truest joys and greatest benefits of teaching in China for those who have genuinely committed themselves to working with and helping their students.


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